My goal was:
To introduce my characters, setting and problem and have a series of events and an ending.
My goal now is;
Make the characters and setting believable with descriptive detail.

Trouble at the beach

“Hurry up, Hurry up” yelled Mum at the top of her lungs.

Last night we had dinner at our new neighbours house. it was so exciting, we played PS2, had a barbeque and made a hut for pretend war. The new neighbour,Joseph, is really funny, he should be a comedian. While we were playing my Mum, Dad and Joseph’s parents were talking and in that discussion they sorted out to go to the beach.
So now we’re up to the part where Mum is shouting at the top of her lungs...

“Come on Zoe, hop in the car,” shouted Dad. Zoe is my fourteen year old sister.
“I’m in Dad,” shouted Zoe.
“Righty-O off we go,” cheered Dad.
“Embarrassing...” mumbled Zoe.
Zoe was so excited because Joseph had a little two year brother called Hayden. She wanted to show Mum and Dad that she could look after little kids and go babysitting at her age.

Cht, cht, cht Dad had changed gear into reverse and parked.
“Hello Eric,” called Joseph, “do you like crab hunting?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Cool, let’s go!” smiled Joseph.

“Hey, I found one!”
“Yesss!” shouted Joseph. He was running towards me when suddenly...tzzzt “Ahhhh!”
“Ooh, ow” I thought. I ran towards him, he had lacerated his foot on the sharp rock. I ran over to my Mum and she told Joseph’s mum.
They both ran over to Joseph in a hurry (wearing suitable footwear) and they carried Joseph back to where the dads were relaxing.

Half an hour later, when Joseph was feeling better, we joined in making sandcastles with Zoe and Hayden. But not for long because sandcastle making got tedious and Hayden demolished all of the sandcastles and got sand in his eyes. Joseph and I laughed.

We saw some people playing beach football so we went up to them and asked “can we play?”
“Yeah sure,” they said.
“What’s your name I asked
“Cailan,” he said
He was real good at football and had made it into the A Team for reps. He was also a striker. We played for what seemed like hours.
The score was 5-1 to Cailan (obviously).

Then we had fish and chips with Cailan and Joseph’s families on the beach